Line-Up for Tomorrow

It's still winter, though we are almost there.  To pass the time, I say let's read some poetry.  Why the hell not?  Come along, if it please ya...



A is for Albert
the great Pujols.
Making AL pitchers
all glum and morose.


B is for Braun
the heart of Milwaukee
his urine was stained,
not beer, how unlucky.


C is for CC
ace of New York,
a king in pinstripes
and lover of pork.


D is for Darvish
of eastern import.
Will he make the Rangers
champions of sport?


E is for Evan
the mighty Longoria.
He murders hard grounders,
a dead fit for Fangoria.


F is for Felix
who makes batters cross;
could easily win 20,
alas his team, an albatross.


G is for Greinke
his anxieties run high.
If he keeps them in check,
perhaps one more CY.


H is for Halladay
the doctor is in.
He's got the peripherals,
to warrant a win.


I is for me
not a hard-hitting man,
but an outstanding all-time
incurable fan.

J is for Johnson
who has but one wish;
for his arm to stay tethered,
then mighty the Fish.


K is for Kemp
who roves Chavez-Ravine,
Possessor of five tools,
and of starlets' wet dreams.


L is for Lester
bred as a winner.
If he pulls it together,
winner winner, chicken dinner!


M is for Miggy
puts pitchers in a jam.
Four liners on three fingers,
"Don't you know who I am?"


N is for Neftali
To start or to close?
To bullpen that talent
deserves a crack to the nose.


O is for Oswalt
who wants a contender.
If for a younger man's back,
few runs he'll surrender.


P is for Prince
fills seats double-decker;
he hits lots of dingers
but can't see his pecker.


Q is for Quentin
Is it 2008?
No? Now in Petco,
2012, Oy Vey!


R is for Roberto
"I thought it was Fausto?"
A brief dominant sinker,
"Oh well, hasta luego!"


S is for Steroids
"Who was legit?"
Take your moral high ground
and gargle with shit.

T is for Tulo
a Rockie homegrown;
like Helton before him,
a star on his own.


U is for Ubaldo
an arm once so shiny;
now along the Cuyahoga,
where everything's grimy.


V is for Verlander
best in the league.
If his DIPS level-out,
it must be fatigue.


W is for Washington
who solicits no slut.
For no bad decision,
comes from trusting the gut.


X is for sign here ____
or at least make your mark.
For how many millions,
will Votto depart?

Y is for Yuniesky
All hail Betancourt!
Back to Kansas City,
no flaws to report.

Z is for Zenith
The summit of fame.
These men are up there.
These men are the game.


I feel a smite self-aggrandizing by including this as a conclusion rather than introduction.  Quite honestly, I wanted to force you to read my little ditties before getting the chance to read the work of a real poet.  The above alphabetical (poetical) list is an homage, or celebration, if you will, of Ogden Nash's "Line-Up for Yesterday" which appeared in Sport magazine in 1949.  Nash was famous for his light verse, managing to gain popularity among the masses as well as the stiff-upper-lipped literary elite.  He was a huge baseball fan, the crux of his fanship resting in Baltimore, and wrote many many poems celebrating the game.  Search them out; they are a blast.  Is it Baseball yet?  The weather has felt like Baseball down here in Georgia, but that doesn't mean Winter has passed any less slowly.  Dragging in molasses, I say I say... 

*the italicized stanzas are Nash's own.  They are too good, and I didn't feel like giving Ichiro a rhyme or coming up with something for Z.*